The Isabella Swan Fan Club
by brunettelamb
Summary: Mike and his friends take "stalker" to a whole new level . . .
1. The Isabella Swan Fan Club

AN: This is my very first Fanfic! *hugs self* Summary: Mike and some friends take "stalker" to a whole new level . . . It's rated T for 1 or 2 suggestive sentences . . . you know Mike and his silly fantasies lol :P READ REVIEW REPEAT! READ REVIEW REPEAT! and ENJOY!

The Isabella Swan Fan Club

"Order! Order!" Mike Newton shouted, unceasingly pounding the old wooden podium. Half a dozen of his schoolmates sat in plastic folding chairs in front of him, texting, reading comic books, and playing cards. Everyone looked up.

He cleared his throat, smoothed his tidy blond spikes, and cleared his throat. "Welcome to the 3rd weekly Isabella Swan Fan Club meeting. Roll call." He coughed professionally and began calling names. "Eric?"

"Here," the raven-haired boy called, his fingers moving rapidly on his cell phone keypad.

"Tyler?"

"Here," Tyler replied, the fluorescent ceiling light glowing weirdly on his coffee-colored skin.

"Anthony?"

"Here," a nerdy-looking sophomore with suspenders and freckles replied. No need to worry about that, Mike smirked to himself as he scanned the room for a minute, sizing up the competition.

"Nate?"

"Present," the brunet jock smirked.

Mike rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Wait, who are you?" he barked at two loners in the back of the room, evidently hoping not to get noticed.

"Uh . . . I'm, um-" the one wearing a baseball cap stuttered. He was obviously cowed by his ferocity, Mike thought, satisfied.

"My name is-" the other boy in a green jersey started.

"Out! This is an elite association!" Mike bellowed, pointing to the door of his garage. Baseball Cap and Jersey slunk out. He stood up straighter and eyed the remaining four boys. "So, any news?"

"I heard that Bella likes reading . . ."

"She listens to Linkin Park."

"I think her mom remarried a baseball player or something."

Mike turned these facts over in his head, trying to decide how to best use them to his advantage. Should he lend her some of his CDs? Offer to help her study? The other boys went on and on with stalker-esque news and tidbits of Bella-related info. Mike didn't listen to them as they babbled on. Instead, he imagined Bella, pale skin glowing in the rare sun as she walked up to him, a smile on her face . . .

"Hello, Mike," she would purr and wink. "Wanna go out on Friday? The weather forecasts warm weather, so we wouldn't have to wear as many clothes . . ."

And instead of him just staring or babbling like an idiot, as would probably happen in real life, he smirked, flashing perfect teeth and watching her drool all over his spiky blond hair, which was so much cooler than stupid Edward Cullen's ugly penny brown bedhead . . .

Edward Cullen. Ugh. From the day the freaky pale family had moved down from Alaska, he had hated the bronze-haired junior the way he hated string beans and traffic jams. Hated that all of them, especially the big guy Emmett, looked strong enough to take down anyone in a fight, even Coach Clapp. Hated that all the girls flocked to him like his younger sister to the Barbie aisle in Port Angeles's Toys R Us.

And what he hated the most was how Bella seemed attracted to Cullen-how her cute, innocent brown eyes followed him around the cafeteria, how she'd blushed when he had stared at her. She hadn't blushed when he had smiled, just looked embarrassed and a little annoyed. The glares she often aimed at Edward Cullen, and the arguments they always seemed to be getting into, though, gave him hope.

Maybe his vision would come true. Maybe Bella would ask him out, or accept wholeheartedly when he did, and they'd end up voted Best Couple in Forks High's yearbook.

Or if not, I always have Jessica to fall back on, he thought grudgingly, grimacing at the idea of dating the curly-haired gossip queen.


	2. AN

AN: Sorry for the author's note but I couldn't help it! You guys are so hacking (yes I'm watching Fred videos haha) great =P If you check my profile I said that I would post the names of the wonderful ppl that reviewed or alerted me only an hour after publishing _The Isabella Swan Fan Club_. *dances on air* I love that you love it! You have inspired me to keep on going with it, though I intended for it to be a one-shot. So that means I need ideas!

And here they are! I profusely apologize (hey I sound like Edward! LOLOLOLOL) if I left anyone out. I will double-check and post their pennames the next time I actually update the story. BTW these are just the people that reviewed/alerted before *checks clock* 7:17 eastern time, so don't get offended because I will post your name on my next update. See? That's how much I love you guys.

AnimegirlKiki

reader13lovesbooks

Lollipops12453

xxxxxRenesmeeCarlieBlackxxxxx

lollifox

Carriecurry

IrishLove123

Abby-Swan

Lol . . . I might be making a lot of stuff out of nothing but I really appreciate the reviews and alerts! You guys made me rly rly happy =) even though I just had to eat *gag* cabbages for dinner.

Sorry to disappoint the alerters because this is only an AN.

And my grammar/spelling online usually isn't this nice, but overusing cyber-lingo creeps me out.

Actually, I'm going to see if I have anything entertaining for you wonderful people since you're already here *rummages through computer files*

Nope *Edwardesque smirk* I guess you'll have to wait until tomorrow. Or maybe tonight, because we're on spring break and I have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands.

*blows kisses* Love, Brunettelamb aka the Terror bee =P


	3. To Stalk or Not to Stalk

AN: Enjoy! This is set (if you read the first 12 chapter of Midnight Sun that Stephenie Meyer posted on her website) sometime after the family meeting where Alice has a vision of her and Bella as friends, and when Edward realizes that he is falling in love with her.

And once again, here are the great ppl that have reviewed/alerted! Note: These are the people that have reviewed/alerted before 8:18 eastern time.

AnimegirlKiki, reader13lovesbooks, Lollipops12453, xxxxxRenesmeeCarlieBlackxxxxx, , lollifox, Carriecurry, IrishLove123, Abby-Swan, lauren mcnab, DesertRose92

I love you guys (in the non-lesbo way)!! Thanks so much for reviewing and alerting because it lifted my spirits to Cloud 9. *hug*

To Stalk or Not to Stalk

Edward Cullen was sitting on his black leather couch and contemplating how to reorganize his music collection when his Black Diamond cell phone buzzed from its position on top of the stereo.

"Who texts vampires?" he said dryly as he checked his inbox.

Of all people, it was Mike Newton. The nincompoopish junior had sent it to about fifty other male classmates as well.

"Check this link out dudes"

Beneath was a link to a Facebook group.

Shrugging, Edward opened Jasper's MacBook (that he had _borrowed_ ,) and typed the URL address in without having to glance at the cell phone screen even once-photographic memory.

WELCOME TO THE ISABELLA SWAN FAN CLUB

PRESIDENT: MIKE NEWTON

VICE PRESIDENT: ANTHONY BRANDEN

SECRETARY: ERIK YORKIE

TREASURER: TYLER CROWLEY

Below the masthead was a series of stalker-esque photos of Bella Swan. Bella exiting her rusty Chevrolet pickup, Bella at the tiny Forks Public Library, Bella visiting Chief Swan at the police station . . .

"Crazy human stalkers," Edward mumbled in his swoon-worthy velvet voice.

Emmett Cullen bounded into the room. He was bored.

For anyone that can't do the math: Bored+Vampire=Dangerous.

"Whazzup, E-Dawg?" he shouted at full vampire volume. The house shook. Edward grinded (is that right? It sounds weird) his teeth.

"Oooh, what's that?" Emmett leaned forward and started guffawing as he scrolled through the many photos.

"Maybe you should join, Eddie-poo. You know, a healthy vent for your little depressed sexually-repressed for eternity self."

"Emmett McCarty Cullen!" Esme scolded from the kitchen, where she was attempting crème brulee.

"Leave. Now. Emmett." Edward growled through his teeth.

"Or what?" Emmett flashed his teeth, looking like a deranged teddy bear. "Will you start preaching the evils of sex?"

"For the love of all that's holy, Emmett, shut up."

"It's not like committing murder, my innocent little virgin bro," Emmett grinned again. "Especially when your woman's as hot as my Rose. In fact, just the other evening we had a rather exciting romp in your Vol-" Emmett froze and watched his brother's butterscotch eyes graduate to dark amber.

"YOU AND ROSALIE HAD SEX IN MY CAR?"

"We had costumes too!" Emmett tried-alas, but to no avail. "I was a robber! And man does Rose make one sexy cop . . . "

He took one look at Edward and ran out of the room at vampire speed.

Edward waited until he was sure that Emmett had really ran to the garage and hid in the back of his Jeep before sitting down and scrolling through all of the pictures of Bella, committing her lovely face, her delicate limbs and indescribable grace to memory. Then, after making sure that nobody was on the same floor (double-checking for Rosalie) he made a Facebook and joined the group The Isabella Swan Fan Club.

Because after all, if an animal-blood-drinking golden-eyed guardian vampire can't stalk his love, then who can?


	4. Nerd vs Jock

AN: This chapter is in Anthony's third person POV, set before Chapter 1. Enjoy!

Nerd vs. Jock

Anthony Branden was your average nerd. Cringe-worthy acne, a wardrobe composed of suspenders and neatly ironed dress slacks, a 4.0 GPA and nonexistent social life.

The only thing that stopped him from fading into Forks High School's linoleum tiles altogether was his connection to Mike Newton, who was everything he wasn't-blond, blue-eyed, and popular.

Okay, maybe connection was exaggerating a little. Call it more of a you-do-my-homework-and-I-won't-publicly-humiliate-you-in-return relationship.

Speak of the jock . . .

"Branden!" Mike called as he entered the Trig classroom, brandishing an unmarked worksheet. "Do this for me, will ya?"

As Anthony filled in the ditto, attempting to make his own typewriter print resemble Mike's scrawl, Mike leaned over from his seat next to him and chattered nonstop about gossip straight from the A-List.

After a lengthy tale on Sara Abrahams and Derrick Kessler's two day long relationship, Mike leaned in closer and whispered, "New girl's something, huh?" "What new girl?"

Mike rolled his eyes, as though news this important should have made its way to the reject table by now. "Isabella Swan. She's from Phoenix or somethin'."

"The Valley of the Sun? Arizona?" Anthony said, awed. He'd lived his entire life in the ever rainy town of Forks, rarely went to bed without precipitation pattering away on his windowpane. He would have liked to meet this Isabella Swan, ask her what it was like living in constant sunshine, if his social status did not hinder this plan.

"Whatever. Holy shit, that's her!" Mike exclaimed, running his fingers through his gelled spikes in an attempt to look suave.

"Who?"

"The brown-haired one walking next to Angela Webber."

Anthony scrutinized her through his inch-thick glasses (nicknamed "Nerd Frames" by the rest of the student body). She was pretty in a girl next door way, with mahogany waves and brown eyes. Her skin was so pale it was practically translucent. The only people Anthony knew that were paler than that were the Cullens.

The Cullens . . . the five virtually perfect beings that had arrived at Forks High two years ago. He had avoided them always, as though they emitted some repellant that other people shied away from. He only knew that their names were Emmett, Edward, Jasper, Alice, and Rosalie, and that any of the three adopted brother could knock him out and send him to the ER if he gave them any trouble (AN: you would probably say "pissed them off" here, but after all our friend Anthony is a geek =] ). He also knew that Alice and Rosalie were going out steady with Jasper and Emmett, so prom requests weren't a good idea either.

"Dude. Dude!" Mike waved a hand in front of Anthony's zoned-out face. "The teacher's coming. Give me my sheet." Wordlessly, Anthony handed him the completed worksheet.

His thoughts returned to Isabella. Perhaps she'd be in another one of his classes. She was cute, but not in a blatant way like fishy-eyed Lauren Mallory. Maybe she would appreciate his intellect and agree to go to prom with him. Maybe . . .

Then his eyes slid sideways to Mike, who was chewing gum and texting at the same time. Mike was going to get Bella. He had no hope.

Oh yes he did! Anthony glared at Mike's Adidas sweat pants. He was going to get Isabella Swan as his prom date or be struck with lightning. And he wasn't going to let any Abercrombie-wearing air headed jock get in his way.

AN: And the geek turns mastermind! What evil plans will this genius brain cook up?

Sorry for the shortness of the chapters! Any ideas for the POV of the next one?


	5. AN Vote on the Poll!

Heyyy guys =P This is just another AN to tell u that I posted a poll on my profile for which POV I should use in Chapter 4! Please vote! =)


	6. Crossdressing

AN: Thanks to in the hallway with jeans, AlexCullen54321, ekmemerald, kitty2071, Katoris, LittlePinkGirl, princessflo, Shinobi Shinigami, and PANICparamoreRoMaNcE for your favorites, reviews, and alerts. You guys give me power =D

Okay, I've only had the poll up for 2 days but 6 out of 10 ppl voted for Edward's POV. Enjoy! This is Edward's first ISFC meeting. He's in costume . . . With Alice's help *mahahahah* You're in for a bit of a surprise.

Disclaimer: Dear Santa, I've been a good girl. Now can you please give me Twilight?

"Alice, are you certain that all this is necessary?" Edward sighed. "Can't I just be a boy?"

Alice laughed her silvery laugh as she added the finishing touches to Edward's façade. "Come on, Edward. You know I don't remember any of my human life. Let me have some vicarious fun here." "So giving your sibling plastic surgery passes for fun this days?" Edward groaned but let Alice continue. He had never felt this awkward in his entire almost-century-long life.

"There!" Alice stood back to admire her work. She was holding back giggles.

"How do I look?" Edward asked dully. The face staring back at him was caked with foundation and blush, extensions woven into the hair, amber eyes covered with green contacts.

Alice gave in to her laughter. She was able to gasp out, "Well, Edward, you make one attractive girl."

"Welcome to the 4th weekly Isabella Swan Fan Club meeting. Roll ca-hey, who are you?" Mike barked as he spotted the bronze-haired girl quietly slipping into a chair.

"Uh . . . I'm, er, Ella," the bronze-haired girl replied. Her voice sounded like it was unusually deep, but she was determined to make it sound soprano.

"What are you doing here?" Anthony, the vice president snapped.

"I'm here for the meeting."

"But you're a girl . . . " Tyler snickered, not looking up from his iTouch screen. Then he raised his head and executed a legendary jaw-drop. "A very attractive girl, might I add," he tacked on, trying to sound sultry.

Mike rolled his eyes. "Tyler, put away the Touch or I'm confiscating it," he ordered, aware of how similar he sounded to the principal. "Ella, I'm sorry but you have to leave. This is a boy's only association."

"Since when?" Ella demanded, standing up.

"Since . . . Ah, whatever. But you're still a girl. So, even if we allowed girls, why would you want to stalk Isabella?" (AN: Note how they're always calling Bella Isabella.)

"Um . . . I'm lesbian?"

The boys all burst into simultaneous laughter.

"So can I join?" Ella managed to get in.

"Sure, sure," Mike chortled. (AN: LOL! It's Jacob's expression!)

Ella sighed in relief and sat down gracefully. Red-faced, Mike finished roll call.

"Damn this outfit," Edward muttered as the boys around him traded Bella-related facts. He had never been so relived to be born a boy in 1901. Back then, women had worn hobble skirts, which looked ridiculously uncomfortable, but they had nothing on these jeans. What had Alice called them-"skinny jeans"? They fit the name; the tight denim was so form-fitting that it felt like it was cutting into his diamond hard skin. And the Ralph Lauren polo Alice had insisted he wear felt scratchy. But worst of all was the black (lacy!) bra Alice had lent him (with the promise of burning it later) stuffed with, of all things, Esme's _grapefruits_.

Only part of his brain was focused on his uncomfortable attire; another was listening intently to the discussion around him. He scowled as the conversation turned to prom. To be specific, taking a certain person to prom.

"But isn't prom, like, five months away?" Nate snorted.

"Five months, nineteen days and eight hour-" Anthony began.

"The early bird gets the worm," Mike interjected.

And another part of his mind was cursing himself for even being here. What right did he have to join this ragtag group of stalker boys, potentially endangering Bella's life? Bella was good. Too good. She had to be allowed to exist.

No! Just because he was here didn't mean he had to talk to her or interact with her in any way. He just wanted to know more about her. He wouldn't hurt Bella, couldn't hurt Bella.

But prom . . . he savored the delicious image of Bella in his arms, dressed in blue that would beautifully complement her pale skin, beaming up at him as they gracefully whirled around the gym. An image that would never come to be.

"This meeting is adjourned," Mike announced abruptly. Edward stood up, morose, and headed out the garage door to alternating whoops and lesbian cracks. He slipped into the Cullen's black BMW X5 (what Emmett called their "normal car") and drove away at 100 mph.

After parking the car in the Cullen's cavernous garage, he suddenly realized that he was still wearing his girl clothes. "Dammit."

_La di da, I just got back from a lovely day at the hospital and I'm _not _hiding in my favorite son Edward's closet right now . . . _Carlisle.

_Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum ugh I hate this song . . . Edward stop listening to my mind! _Alice.

_Edward's back! Um . . . Hi Edward . . . Just don't read my thoughts! Stop reading my thoughts! _Jasper.

_I can't believe I let Alice get me into this . . . I'm going to be scarred for eternity. _Rosalie was in on it? Rosalie, who rarely did anything involving me unless it consequentially injured me? I started to feel nervous. And I was almost positive it involved my outfit. All of my clothes were in my closet . . . I decided to make a run for it.

As I ran at vampire speed to my room, more thoughts flew through my head.

_This is gonna be good. Damn, my video camera's out of battery. This would have made a top Youtube video. _Emmett. Of course.

_I'm really sorry about this Edward! Don't hurt me! Or my plants!_ Esme.

Listening intently, I flung open the door to my room. Silence.

Exhaling, I navigated the maze of CDs and music sheets smoothly to my closet (well stocked, courtesy of Alice and Co.) Still wary, I slid the wooden door open . . .

To find my entire family squished together on the floor wearing all-black and huge smug smiles.

_HA! Eddie's a crossdressing lesbo! _Emmett snickered internally.

"Ha! Eddie's a crossdressing lesbo!" Emmett snickered out loud.

Carlisle said, "Edward . . . ?"

"Edward Masen Cullen, those better not be my grapefruits!" Esme fumed.

Jasper looked away and pretended to interest himself in a pair of cuff links.

Rosalie just glared at Alice, mumbling, "Scarred for eternity . . . "

Alice just laughed.

"If you guys value your books, clothes, your wife's clothes, mirror collection, weight lifting trophies, or plants, YOU BETTER RUN!"

AN: I'm sorry Edward I'm sorry! *squeaks and cowers in fright* DON'T EAT ME!


	7. Enter Werewolf

AN: Sorry I haven't updated in such a long time! Standardized testing/dance practices have taken up half my life, and the rest of the time I'm just too lazy =P I will also be updating my other story with Emmett and Rosalie's first wedding.

I realize that I'm skipping some pretty crucial stuff . . . Blood typing, Tyler's van, and the girls-choice dance. I might go back to them . . . Maybe . . . Maybe not. Yeah probably not =D

Enter Jacob! Dog lovers, take heed =P

Jacob Black was playing Go Fish with Quil and Embry when his cell phone rang. Sighing, he lay his cards down (obviously facing down) to answer.

"Got any threes?" Quil asked Embry, fingers crossed.

"Go fish!" Embry smirked.

"Dang."

"Hello?" Jacob spoke into the phone.

"Jake? It's your father." Jacob sighed again-this time in annoyance. "What's up, Dad?" "Some of the Forks High School kids are coming down to the beach today for a picnic. You should probably go . . . maybe meet some new people."

Jacob glanced over at Quil and Embry, who were pelting each other with playing cards. "Now's not really a good time." He could almost hear Billy shrugging. "Alright then. Shame. I think Charlie mentioned something about Bella going. Thought it would be a good opportunity for you guys to get to know each other."

Jacob repressed a snort at his father's attempt at subtlety. "Bella Swan?"

"Yeah, that's her. But I guess if you don't want to go, that's fine. Be back by six, or you're going hungry." Billy hung up.

_Stupid reverse psychology. _Jacob slipped his phone into his jacket pocket. "Do you guys want to go to the beach?"

"What for?" Embry questioned, flipping one card after another at Quil's head.

"Some Forks high schoolers are having a picnic. My old man said we should go."

"I'm in." Embry shrugged into his sweatshirt.

"What's in it for me?" Quil said mock-evilly.

Jacob laughed. "Hot junior girls?"

Quil grinned. "Good enough."

The three boys made their way across the beach. Clouds shrouded the blue-gray sky, which seemed to be making its mind whether or not to fully hide the sun. Several other Quileutes were chatting with the visitors-he recognized Sam Uley and Jessica Quilault. The air smelled like salt water and Wonderbread.

Quil immediately went to flirt with a cornsilk blonde girl. Embry and Jacob sat down on the rocks to talk to Paul. Familiar turquoise sparks-the dying out remnants of a drift wood fire-flew up towards the graying sky.

A boy with greasy black hair was introducing everyone. "That's Angela, Mike, Jessica, Bella." Jacob looked up and saw the pale girl with brown eyes staring back at him with a tentative smile. Was she Bella? Half-blushing, he ducked his head to grab a sandwich from the rapidly dwindling stack.

After all of the food was consumed, people started drifting away. Bella remained on her driftwood log, a sandwich crust at her feet, thoughtful. Jacob toyed around with a shard of stone with purple specks on one side. _Okay. Speck side up, I go sit next to her. Plain side up, I stay here with the guys like the chicken I am. _He tossed the stone into the air. Purple dots stared up at him.

"Here goes nothing," Jacob mumbled as he sauntered over to Bella. She looked up at him, appraising.

"You're Isabella Swan, aren't you?" Jacob blurted.

She sighed and grimaced. _Crud_. "Bella." "I'm Jacob Black." _What an original introduction_. He held his hand out. "You bought my dad's truck."

"Oh!" She sounded relived. "You're Billy's son. I probably should remember you." She blushed, pink flooding her ivory cheeks.

"No, I'm the youngest of the family," Jacob admitted reluctantly. "You would remember my older sisters." "Rachel and Rebecca," she said, smiling. "Are they here?" Jacob followed her gaze as it flickered to the edge of the beach.

Jacob shook his head. "No. Rachel got a scholarship to Washington State, and Rebecca married a Samoan surfer-she lives in Hawaii now." He blushed. Talking about marriage to a girl he barely knew? Suave, Jake, suave.

She didn't seem to notice, and they chatted about the Chevy that Jacob was everlastingly grateful to Charlie for buying, when the silver blonde girl spoke up.

"You know Bella, Jacob?" her voice was nasal.

"We've sort of known each other since I was born," Jacob laughed, not able to help but grin at Bella again. She was cute. Very.

"How nice." Sarcasm crept into her tone. "Bella, I was just saying to Tyler that it was too bad none of the Cullens could come out today. Didn't anyone think to invite them?" "You mean Dr. Carlisle Cullen's family?" Sam replied. Jacob tuned out as the discussion went on. He didn't care much for the taboo family, or the stupid legends that surrounded them.

He noticed that Bella was staring at Sam with a perplexed expression. "So is Forks driving you insane yet?" he asked, feeling a little miffed. Was he . . . _jealous _of Sam for holding her attention? Nah. He liked talking to her, that was all.

"Oh, I'd say that's an understatement," Bella replied, grimacing. Jacob grinned in understanding.

"Do you want to walk down the beach with me?" Bella asked abruptly. Her chocolate eyes shone up at Jacob from beneath her thick lashes. Half-mesmerized, Jacob jumped up.

"So you're, what, sixteen?" she asked. Jacob could have sworn she was fluttering her lashes. As cliché as the gesture was, he loved it.

"I just turned fifteen," Jacob confessed, feeling flattered.

"Really? I would have thought you were older."

"I'm tall for my age." Did she prefer tall?

"Do you come up to Forks much?" archly.

"Not too much." Jacob frowned. He'd never been interested in Billy's trips to Forks to visit Charlie, but now . . . "But when I get my car finished I can go up as much as I want-after I get my license," he tacked on reluctantly with another frown.

"Who was that other boy Lauren was talking to?" Bella asked, staring into his eyes and smiling as though she liked what she saw. Or maybe that was his ego going wild. "He seemed a little old to be hanging out with us." "That's Sam. He's nineteen." "What was that he was saying about the doctor's family?"

"The Cullens? Oh, they're not

supposed to come onto the reservation," Jacob blurted. Crap. Should he not have said that? Did it violate the supposed "treaty"? "Why not?"

Jacob bit his lip. "Oops. I'm not supposed to say anything about that."

"Oh, I won't tell anyone, I'm just curious." Her smile was alluring. Jacob's breath caught. He smiled back, lifted one eyebrow.

"Do you like scary stories?" he asked ominously.

"I _love_ them."

Jacob strolled over to a nearby driftwood tree and sat on one of the twisted roots. How to make this good . . .

Man. Heaven couldn't feel better than this. Nothing could. Not even, as Quil put it, five free buckets of KFC chicken with dip and sodas.

_Bang_.He had just walked right into the wall. "Ow! Damn!"

"You okay, Jake?" Billy asked, his deep voice rumbling from the tiny kitchen.

"Yeah," Jacob replied in a dazed voice. Only his body was in the living room-his head was still at First Beach, still seeing Bella's sexy wink and Bella's eyelash flutter and Bella's gorgeous smile and Bella's blush. Damn.

He felt a little dizzy as he opened and turned on his old Dell laptop and flung it and himself dangerously onto the bed that took up most of his tiny room. As the ancient PC whirred to life, he padded into the bathroom and studied himself in the mirror. All of a sudden, his biceps were getting huge even without the weight lifting Quil had dedicated half his life to, and he was growing. Fast. At this rate, he'd have to toss the bed and sleep curled up like a puppy.

He checked his Buddy List. Embry was on.

JBlackisBack: hey man

EmbryisaFlame: hey Jake

Jacob stroked his fingers across the keyboard. Should he . . .

Then without warning, his hands acted of their own accord. And before he could stop them, the words appeared on the screen.

JBlackisBack: damn bella is hot!

EmbryisaFlame:

EmbryisaFlame: …

EmbryisaFlame: ahhh

EmbryisaFlame: okay I'm not sure how to respond to that

_EmbryisaFlame has signed off_

Jacob sighed and flicked the Power button. Then he tossed the laptop onto the ground (where it thankfully landed on a pile of dirty sweatpants) and fell back so his head hit the pillow.

His pocket vibrated. It was a text from Embry.

apparently ur "hot" girl has a fan club. check it out.

Jacob shrugged, then picked up his laptop and typed the address Embry had added below his short and sarcastic message. It was a Facebook link, but that barely registered. The image of Bella's chocolate eyes, glowing as she smiled at him, was etching itself onto his brain for daily review.

Then the page loaded, and Jacob froze. "Whoa."

Two minutes later, he was another proud member of the Isabella Swan Fan Club.

Here comes the werewolf.


	8. Infringement

AN: This is just an intro to a much more hilarious chapter . . . I might might MIGHT put it up today because it's a Friday =P

By the way, vote on the Breaking Dawn quotes poll! I might use some of them in my other story.

Alice was curled up in Jasper's lap, sighing happily as she inhaled his sunshine-honey-lilac-freshly mowed grass scent with each unnecessary breath she took, glowing with the success of another brilliantly executed Edward transformation (another ISFC meeting was taking place that day), and savoring the wonderful vision of Bella, her best friend, when Emmett bounded into the room. "Oh, Alice?"

"Yes, Emmett?" Alice bounced to her feet. Her leonine husband stood too, lookingaffronted.

"I need help," Emmett said.

Alice rolled her topaz eyes. "I figured as much. Psychic, remember?" she smiled and tapped her head the way Edward often did when he taunted Emmett.

Emmett groaned. "Right. So . . . " he stared suspiciously at Jasper, then grabbed Alice's hand and pulled her outside. Jasper was left standing in the middle of the living room with a heartbroken puppy expression, his voice trailing off with the words, "But, Alice, wait! Don't you love me anymore . . . ?"

Emmett dragged Alice all the way to the deep woods. Then he dropped her hand to rub his together evilly, a familiar glint coming into his amber eyes.

"I know that look!" Alice clapped her hands together. "So, what federal offenses are we committing today, partner in crime?"

"Not federal, my dear associate," Emmett corrected in a horrible English accent. "Rather, we ahre infreenging on our dear brothuh Edwahrd's privocy today."

"I like infringement of privacy," Alice said in a voice like Mort from the Penguins of Madagascar (lol . . . Weird analogy I know!). "What's the plan?"

Emmett glanced around warily, then bent down about two feet until his head was level with Alice's and whispered the "plan" into her ear.

An evil smirk spread across Alice's pixie face. "I love it! I feel like . . . A double agent!"

"But mine, right?" Emmett asked, a little worried at the borderline-insane expression on her face. "You're mostly working for me, right Alice? Right?"

"Yeah, yeah," Alice muttered. "Come on!" This time, she pulled Emmett by his muscled arm all the way to her huge bathroom, ignoring Jasper, who was still standing in the living room saying, "Alice, don't you love me anymore?" "Sit down, Emmett," Alice directed in her trilling soprano as she retrieved a staggeringly large makeup suitcase from beneath the sink. Emmett gulped. His great plan to infringe on Edward's privacy as well as utterly and completely embarrass him wasn't looking so great anymore.

"Now, Emmett," Alice explained, sounding like a teacher, "I'm going to apply this cosmetic to your skin. It is called foundation, and it will even out your skin tone." Emmett winced and cringed as the gooey brown stuff was mercilessly globbed onto his perfect vampire skin. "And make you look less . . . Vampire-y."

"Haha."

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Alice disappeared for a second. Emmett, with vampire speed, tried futilely to wipe the foundation off, but it had already dried.

"Nice try." Alice skipped back into the bathroom, swinging a white cloth.

"What are you going to do with that?" asked Emmett, feeling more than a little apprehensive.

Alice rolled her eyes again. "Cover the mirror! I know you're going to take every opportunity you get to check out your biceps, and I really don't want to have to deal with that."

"I think you have an ulterior motive."

"Maybee, maybee not," Alice murmured in a kindergarten sing-song voice as she draped the cloth over the mirror and whisked the foundation bottle cap shut.

"Why do I need makeup anyway?" Emmett sulked, his lower lip jutting out. Alice bit hers-the pout was so funny on a grown, muscle man vampire. "It's not part of my plan."

"Oh, silly Emmett. All you need is foundation really. My makeup bag-" Emmett snorted "-can multitask. There's a reason it's so big."

"What's that?" Emmett mocked. "So it can hold all 258 bottles of nail polish you own, with at least twenty of each color of the 'fashion rainbow'?"

"Emmett," Alice sighed. "How I wish you were a girl! There's so much I could teach you. Rose prefers to spend her time getting greasy with cars rather than shopping or doing makeovers with me. I need a disciple."

Emmett chuckled. "I volunteer Edward." They both burst into hysterical laughter.

"Not funny!" Edward growled from his room, where he was listening to "emo" music. "What the hell are you guys doing anyway? And why are you blocking your thoughts again?"

"Are we?" Alice asked innocently.

Edward groaned

Emmett glanced at his watch. "The meeting is in an hour. Eddie's probably leaving soon. C'mon pixie, do your magic."

She glared. "No pun intended," Emmett added weakly. "Seriously."

Several minutes later, they heard Edward glide downstairs, out the door and the soft humming of an engine as it eased out of the driveway.

"You're almost done," Alice said, slipping something around his neck. "Don't look down!" she snapped as Emmett reflexively glanced down to see what she had put there. The air smelled like hairspray and plastic.

"Finishing touch," she said, satisfied. "And just in time. I think Jazz is about to have a panic attack. Your giddiness is scaring him."

"Oops. Sorry, Jasper."

Alice and Emmett bounced down the stairs together. Jasper was sitting down again, inhaling and exhaling heavily.

"It's okay, Jazzy," Alice said quietly, hugging his broad shoulders.

Jasper sniffed. "Do you love me?"

"Yes, Jasper I love you." "Yay!" Jasper shouted. His abruptly overexcited mood hit Emmett with the force of a wrecking ball, and the huge vampire suddenly started to dance the Mexican Hat Dance.

Jasper looked up at Emmett. "Oh my . . . "

"It's okay, Jasper," Alice reassured him. "I gave him a makeover!"

"Ahh."

Just then, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme strolled in through the front door. "Did Edward already leave?" Rosalie asked disinterestedly, twisting a lock of her flaxen hair. Then she looked at Emmett, still dancing, and screamed. "ALICE CULLEN! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HUSBAND?"


	9. I Challenge You!

AN: Thanks to xstrawberryxogirlxm, twitchy shroom, pricel, lollifox, Fanpires101, Demonic Vampire Princess, ginny'snumber1fan, twilightwriter95, jamstar4eva, in the hallway with jeans, mormor201, no-usernames-left, verra, ECullenLover1, XLunarLightX, ElenielK, Pryer-Bean, mirell, AnimegirlKiki, AliceCullen'sBarbieDoll, Abby-Swan, ConfusionPixie, Rosalie123456, ScarletRose94, bigbrock95, Jeah Hale, teamedward115, Silver Winged Singer, kataang-girl14, and TwilightHorseGal for reviewing!

Enjoy! =P

Jacob had to bend over to avoid smacking his head on the low garage ceiling as he sat down in a plastic folding chair.

"And you are?" a spiky-headed junior snapped, standing behind an actual podium. Jacob swallowed to keep the snickers from escaping his throat.

"Jacob Black."

"Where you at the beach that day?" a African boy asked, still occupied with his comic book.

"Yeah." "I thought you looked familiar." Spiky-head scowled at him. Jacob grinned broadly and looked down.

The African boy moved his seat to sit next to him and proceeded to fill him in on what he called the "competition".

"That's Mike. He's our _president_." Jacob almost laughed again at the sarcasm in his words. Sour grapes much?

"And that pimply guy, that's Anthony. The guy with the black hair is Eric, the brown-haired dude is Nate, and I'm Tyler. Tyler Crowley. Nice to meet you, Jacob." He extended his hand formally. They shook.

A waft of air and footsteps brought an unpleasant scent to Jacob's nose. It was sickly sweet, the scent Quil theorized came from burping after eating cotton candy. It seemed to be emanating from the gorgeous, snow white girl that had just walked in, looking somewhat ill at ease.

"And that's Ella. She says she's, uh, lesbian." Tyler sighed. "Just my luck, eh?"

"Yeah," Jacob muttered.

"Attention," Mike barked. What a tard.

"Welcome to the 6th weekly Isabella Swan Fan Club meeting. Roll call. Anthony, Nate, Eric, Tyler, Ella, Jacob."

"Here," each responded with a tiny eye roll.

Ella, who had taken the seat in the back of the garage, stiffened and spoke up. "Mike, do you mind if I step out for a moment?" "No problem?" Ella grimaced and hurried out the door. The boys all listened intently.

"What the hell are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that? Did Alice . . . " Ella's voice faded, then rose again. "And guess who else is here?"

"I'm no mind reader," replied a gruff voice. "Damn, this itches like hell. Do you have any lotion?"

Finally, Ella came back in with a guy that looked like he belonged on a hippie commune. He was muscled, but that impressive fact was overruled by the equally important fact that he was wearing Day-Glo pink, a peace sign chain, and hair so ridiculously puffy and long and knotted that, although the rest could be a Halloween costume, it had to be real. No one made wigs that ugly.

"Yo, peeps," he greeted everyone, whose mouths had dropped open. A fly actually into Tyler's, and he swallowed it.

"AHH! OH MY GOD! MY THROAT! MY THROAT IS ON FIRE! I SWALLOWED A FREAKING FLY!"

No one paid any attention.

"Okay, who are you?" asked Eric, poised with a pencil and not even glancing at his friend lying passed out on the floor.

"I'm Jaco." All seven boys guffawed. "What, are you some kinda hippie?" Nate taunted.

Emmett/Jaco widened his eyes. "How did you know?"

"Okay, having a hippie and a lesbian in our association is kind of . . . weird, but at least we'll get more info."

"How do you even know Bella if you're a hippie?" Anthony questioned suspiciously.

"I . . . saw her at the mall while purchasing new . . . Er . . . Candles! Yeah. Candles. You know, for meditation and stuff." Jaco struck am _ummmm_ position. Then he pulled a few photographs out of his back pocket and pointed at a slight figure clutching several shopping bags. It definitely looked like Bella, but was really a Photoshopped Alice with Bella's head.

"Nice," Eric admitted. "Welcome to the club, Jaco."

"Okay, so I guess we all know that the girl's choice dance was a bust, but . . ." Mike's voice drifted out of Edward's focus. He was seeing red.

_Head, shoulders, knees and toes! Knees and toes!_

"Emmett, stop singing that idiotic song in your head. It's driving me insane," Edward growled at a velocity and pitch beyond human ears.

_What? I couldn't resist. Are you telling me that if Rose was human and had a fan club that I joined, you could resist the lure of potentially embarrassing me by exposing me for the non-lesbian MALE I really am? _

_Oh. Crap. _

"That's what you're doing?" Edward shouted. His vision, though still perfectly clear, was tinted blood red. Yet Emmett was still grinning.

"Guys," he spoke as soon as Mike finished detailing his prom plan. "I have an announcement to make."

Everyone turned to him.

"You all think _Ella _here is a lesbo, no?" He gestured grandly to Edward, who was starting to regret not intervening earlier when he still had the chance. Now he was going to get kicked out of what was, granted, not his only source of Bella-related information, but the most reliable. And at the same time, he was somewhat grateful to his ever irritating teddy bear of a brother. Maybe this would help him forget a little about Bella. Maybe he would be able to leave her, if that was necessary. His unbeating heart twisted painfully.

Everyone nodded.

"Well-" Emmett jerked on Edward's "hair", and the extensions came out easily. "Think again!" Everyone gasped.

"Edward Cullen?" Eric exclaimed.

"Edward Cullen!" Anthony gasped.

"Cullen," Mike growled.

The gratefulness vanished, replaced with a sudden urge for revenge. "Oh yeah? You think _Jaco_ is a hippie? Think again!" He yanked on the hideous blond wig, and it came off, exposing Emmett's natural curly brown hair.

"Emmett?" Nate started laughing hysterically.

"Out! OUT!" Mike bawled, pointing furiously to the garage door. Edward and Emmett sulked out, a little too fast.

"Now where were we?" Mike heaved a sigh. How dare those freaky Cullens sneak into _his _private club! He was gonna . . . Do nothing. What could he do? "Oh, yeah. Prom. So, do any of you have a problem with me taking Isabella to the prom?" He glared at each until they shook their heads meekly.

Then his eyes landed on Branden, who to his shock was nodding his head. "Yes. Yes I do." "WHAT?" Mike exploded. "You of all people shouldn't object! Come on! You're a geek! Like Bella would ever chose you," he scoffed. _Or Cullen_, he added mentally, scowling.

"Excuse me," Anthony huffed. "I am not a geek, or whatever other derogatory terms you chose to toss at me. I have amassed far more intelligence then you, and someday when I'm the first half-Malaysian President you'll be watching television morosely and watching Isabella wave from _my _side at the admiring and adoring crowds, and won't you wish that you paid attention in Trigonometry then."

"Ahh . . . Okay I only know about half the words you just said. But know this, dork-"

"Obtuse excuse for a-"

"Nerd-"

"Retard-" "Know this, Anthony Branden. Isabella Swan will be mine. And I'm taking her to prom. Get it?"

Anthony set his jaw. "No. _I'm _taking her to prom."

"I CHALLENGE YOU!" they both shouted in unison.

Jacob couldn't control his laughter this time.

"What?" they both snapped.

"It-it's just . . . Haha . . . You both soun-sound like Pokemon trainers," Jacob choked out.

Eric and Nate joined in once they got it. The garage shook with the impact of their laughter. Or maybe the massive fart that Tyler, still unconscious, had just emitted.

Mike sighed a weight-of-the-world sigh, fanning the air at his nose with his hand. "This meeting is adjourned." The other boys silently stood up and walked out of the garage, Eric dragging Tyler with him. The shiny black car and hippie bike were nowhere to be seen.

As his borrowed dirt bike revved to life, Jacob burst out laughing again. "Man. I'm so bringing Quil and Embry to the next meeting . . . That was freaking hilarious."


	10. AN 3

AN: Hey guys =) In case you haven't noticed, I reposted "I Do" cause I changed my mind. I didn't really have any ideas for other weddings, so . . . Because I am almost officially crazy, I'm going to start another very time-consuming story. Twilight (of course!) and it has to do with partner figure skating, a subject I know almost nothing about =P so if any of you awesome fanfictioners out there know about it or have any books, movies, etc. I could use for reference, that would be appreciated.

I will also update this story soon! xoxo


	11. Challenges

AN: Another chapter! Finally!=)

Thanks to ElenielK for the great Anthony suggestion that I kinda used. You rock, whoever and wherever you are =)

Special thanks to my BFFL Sarah Wang for Billy. Not my boyfriend. Keep reading.

Thank you for reviewing and alerting! Keep 'em coming!

Mike was, for the first time of the year, actually paying attention in class. Not paying attention to the movie, though. Biology was far too tedious for that. He had specifically glued his eyes to the dork sitting next to him.

He was still internally fuming. How could Branden, of all people, "challenge" him like that? The little geek should be glad he had taken him under his wing rather than turned him into a spitball and dis target. He should be worshipping Mike, offering to polish his shoes or whatever. Not threatening to go to prom with _his _date.

He felt all mixed up inside. True, he was unofficially dating Jessica, and they had kissed. But the way he felt with her was nothing on Bella. Bella made him feel all jumpy and insecure. Jessica felt more like a close friend that got him pissed off half the time for being so gossip-oriented. Then again, her blatant crush was kinda flattering.

At the same time, he was aware of Bella sitting in front of him, brown hair falling over her shoulder as she bent over her work. A flicker of doubt crossed his mind-Bella was smart. Maybe she preferred smart guys.

Nah, he argued. I'm smart! As soon as he realized the lie, he almost laughed. Cullen, sitting next to Bella, looked like he was laughing out loud. Jerk. Like he knew the problems Mike had.

Anthony glared at Mike Newton as he thanked the gods for his photographic memory. Last night, for the first time in his life, he had stayed up until two in the morning absorbing every page of _Wuthering Heights_, which Eric had reported at the first meeting was Bella's favorite book. The night before he had reread _Romeo and Juliet _and even snitched his mother's copy of Austen stories.

Finally, the bell rung, the lights flicked on and the students stood simultaneously to retrieve their raincoats from the rack. Anthony swallowed, ready to unleash his romantic side on Isabella Swan. He watched as Mike ran a hand through his blond spikes and smiled what was supposed to be an alluring smile.

He grabbed his books and made a beeline for Bella's table. So did Mike. But both were genuinely surprised by who made it there first.

It was Cullen. He and Bella were talking, heads bent towards each other, looking utterly absorbed.

The words were on the edge of Anthony's tongue. _Hello, Bella. Do you want to go out for coffee after school? We could talk about Wuthering Heights or something_ . . .

Mike opened his mouth to speak. _Hey Bella! Do you want to catch a movie this Friday? My treat._

But before either of them could say anything, Edward and Bella were out the door.

"Damn it," both whispered.

Mike trudged, subdued, his Friday movie dreams dissolved like Alka-Seltzer. Anthony shuffled off in the other direction.

Mike barely made it through Gym without crying. Stupid Edward Cullen. Stupid Anthony. He hated them. Hated them! Especially Cullen. He wished he could just move back to wherever the hell in Alaska he came from.

He walked in a daze to his locker, grabbed his books, and slowly made his way to the front door and his car. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Branden looking just as out of it walking in the same direction.

Anthony was not, as usual, checking mentally to make sure he had all of his books and materials for homework that night. Instead, he was plotting Edward Cullen's downfall. So intensely was his plotting that he didn't even notice Mike Newton walking right by him, and brushing his shoulder a little rougher than it would have been unconsciously. Alright, he was more aware than he let on. He had been very aware of Mike.

"What was that for?" Mike growled, shoving him back. Textbooks flew into the air and dropped on innocent peoples' pairs of feet.

"It was an accident," Anthony mumbled uncomfortably. He didn't want a fight.

Mike maimed a punch at his shoulder. "I hope that leaves a bruise," he snapped.

Okay, he didn't mind a fight so much.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" a senior started shouting, and soon everyone had joined in. Even Coach Clapp.

Mike felt Branden's fist smack into his nose. For a dork he was surprisingly strong.

Now blood was running down his chin. _Gross_. He punched Anthony back, hoping he broke something.

"Break it up, break it up!" a teacher boomed, making his way through the chanting students.

Branden was shouting so many profanities in a row as he smacked Mike repeatedly that Mike was starting to doubt if the guy was ever actually a nerd.

"Ouch! Damnit!" Mike yelled, flinging a kick at Anthony's chest.

"Break it up!" the teacher screeched, yanking them apart, but not before Anthony kicked him back so hard that the air whooshed from his lungs and his vision blacked out. Just before they shut completely, he slammed his fist into Branden's face.

Anthony grabbed his nose to stop the bleeding. Had the lost sleep damaged his brains? Why was he fighting with a popular jock? This was going to ruin his perfect record!

_So much for memorizing Romeo and Juliet_. Just before Mike gave him the aforementioned punch, he glanced up, hoping to at least see Bella watching him with admiration as he valiantly fought Mike Newton. But the ivory-skinned beauty was nowhere to be seen.

"Mike? Mike?" an annoyingly squeaky voice chanted his name.

"Where am I?" Mike mumbled. The surface beneath him was slippery leather and wax paper.

"In the nurse's office," squealed the voice. "You blacked out after the fight."

"Oh yeah." Mike sat up on his elbows. Branden was no where to be found. "Where's the geek?"

"Anthony went home. No broken bones or anything. You, on the other hand, were unconscious . . . "

Mike groaned. Had Bella heard about the fight? She was sure to think he was some creepy perv.

Don't we all.

Squeaky Voiced Boy turned out to in his gym class. As juniors went, he was pretty good looking-tan for Forks, the kind of eyes that made ladies swoon, and spiky dark hair that looked pretty darn similar to Mike's. Minus the girly soprano and braces, and he could have sat at Mike's table. But Mike didn't think he could deal with hearing that voice every day.

"Man, that was an awesome fight," Squeaky babbled as Mike slid off of the health office bed and walked out the door with him, picking up his books where someone had considerately placed them in a messy heap on the floor next to the bed. "Even better than the stuff you see on TV! Do you want to hang out? Like, watch football or something?"

"No thanks," Mike muttered, sloshing through a muddy puddle.

"Hey, Mike? Mike? I was wondering, could I like join our fan club? Like the one for Bella? 'Cause, she's like, pretty damn hot! So can I? We could even meet at my house! My mom makes awesome brownies? Can I join? Please?" Mike wanted to scream.

Instead he did the next best thing. "What the hell? No!"

"Why?" Squeaky demanded. "It's a free country!" He stomped away. "You'll be sorry, Mike Newton! You'll be sorry!" A loud rumble of thunder nicely accented the foreshadowing.

Mike snorted and continued walking. What was that guy's name anyway? Binky? Booby? Oh yeah! Billy. Billy Something. What could Billy Something possibly do that would endanger him, the Mike Newton, his social status, or his position as President of the ISFC? He cheered up a little, remembering Tyler's recent suggestion of Internet stalking. Oooh, was Billy going to, like, hack into his family's wireless network and shut down the Internet? How would he do that? _I have absolutely nothing to worry about_, he assured himself.

AN: Haha . . . Poor delusional Mike. Wanna know what happens next? READ REVIEW REPEAT! Reviews give me motivation. And without motivation, I get disturbingly moody. Just ask my friends =) No lie.

SO REVIEW!!!


	12. Hacked and Foiled

AN: Thanks to everyone that reviewed! Enjoy the chapter =P =P

Special thanks to my awesome x 100000 BFFL Sarah for your help . . . I 3 youu

**INSIDE JOKE ALERT**

Mike was carefully regelling his spiky blonde hair and admiring his reflection in the hand mirror he had laid on his podium when Tyler and Eric burst through the garage door. "Hey, man," Tyler greeted him. "Watcha doing?"

Mike quickly dropped the mirror and gel bottle onto the ground behind him, not wanting to get caught acting all girly, and plastered a phony smile on his face. "Nothing. Who's ready to Internet stalk a hot chick?"

"Me!" Tyler and Eric chirped in unison, sounding very kindergarten-y.

Mike squatted down, rolling his eyes, to check his hair in the mirror. Then he stood up just as Jacob, leading two other Quileute boys, bounded into the garage. "Waddup my homies?" the brawnier one hooted as they plopped down into three consecutively placed plastic chairs. He had tied a bandana around his head and was wearing dog tag chains around his neck.

"Hey, President Newton," Jacob said, smirking from his seat. "These are two of my friends, Quil and Embry. They wanted to come to the meeting. Ignore Quil, he's going through a gangsta phase."

"I'm not," Quil pouted as Nate walked in, stuffing a piece of gum in his mouth.

"Waddup, peeps?" he said jokingly through a wad of Flare 5.

Quil gasped, shot out of his chair, and ran over to Nate. He threw his weight lifting-hardened arms around the shocked jock. "BROTHER!" he shouted, much to the flabbergastation of Mike, Eric, Tyler, Jacob, and Embry.

"Umm . . . " Nate squeaked. "Can't breath, here."

"Sorry," Quil said impishly, releasing him. "You speak Gangsta!"

"No, I just decided to say Waddup," Nate said, confused.

"Oh." Quil pouted again as he sat back down. Embry patted his arm with mock sympathy.

"Okay . . . This meeting of the ISFC will come to order," Mike said.

"Hey, dude, where are Jaco, Ella, and Anthony?" Tyler asked.

"Anthony has betrayed me-us," Mike boomed with Knight of the Round Table solemnity. "Jaco and Ella are deceivers."

"What's a dee-sie-ver?"

"He means they lied to us," Eric whispered.

"Oh. Okay."

"So today, we're following through with a club member's suggestion and Internet stalking Isabella Swan."

Muted "whoos" came from the seated boys.

"Creeps," Embry muttered.

Mike opened the MacBook Pro he had borrowed from his older brother Harvey, who had unwisely left a lot of expensive possessions behind when he'd left for community college, and carried it over to the cluster of folding chairs. He sat down next to the pouting Quil. Everyone took in a deep breath as his cursor moved to click on the Internet Explorer icon.

"So first I was thinking that we should try Facebook, 'cause like everyone has a Facebook right guys? Right? And then we could try Myspace to see if Bella has a Myspace or maybe even Xanga and wow this is awesome!" Eric was blabbering on and on, probably excited that he was doing something rebel-y for once in his goodie-two-shoes-chess-club-champion life.

"Dude, chill," Nate said. Eric was started to bounce in place. "You sound like that Billy freak." Mike snickered.

"Why is it taking so long for the Internet to load?" Jacob asked. "Even my dad's dinosaur modem goes faster than this." "I'm sure it'll work, it's just a little slow today," Mike replied, a little anxious. "It'll work," he repeated. "Don't worry."

"What's taking so long?" Billy asked Anthony, irritated.

Anthony was fiddling with some wires on Billy's computer. This had better not crash his hard drive, because he had saved some pretty important video game scores on it.

"I'm trying," Anthony answered. "I just have to disconnect the processing plug-in from the multimedia port and reconnect to the network and asdflkj asdflkj blah blah blah." At least that's the way it sounded to Billy-all of the techy nerd vocab was blending in his cerebrum like mush.

But other than his brain overload, his plan was running its course perfectly. The little nerd was helping him bring down Mike Newton by foiling his attempt to Internet stalk Bella Swan. How he knew about that? Anthony, of course. The dork totally hated Newton for some reason, and he knew about computers. Minus the pimples and oddly vast Shakespeare knowledge, and he'd make a pretty good sidekick.

"I'm done," Anthony announced, pleased. "Just click on that icon, plug in that cord, and type in this password, and you will have access to Mike Newton's computer. You can also control it, or use the webcam on this computer to freak them out by shouting Boo! Or something."

"Niiice," Billy complimented. "May I?"

Anthony gestured goofily to the screen. He wasn't such a dork after all. He had potential.

"Damnnit!" Mike said angrily as he pounded the keys of the MacBook. He had clicked on Internet, Firefox, and even Google Chrome at least two million times each and nothing had opened. _Please, please don't let my Internet stalking plan fall apart now_.

The other boys had sat back a long time ago, texting and playing Gardening Mama on Tyler's iPod Touch. Discarded gum wrappers littered the concrete ground.

"Boo."

"AAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Mike, Tyler, Eric, Nate, Jacob, Quil, and Embry screamed in unison. The Touch clattered to the ground.

Billy Something was grinning wickedly from his computer screen. _What the f . . ._

"Nice to see you again, Newton." _Oh God, that freakishly squeaky voice. _

"Oh my god," Nate squealed, sounding like a freaked out toddler. "It's Billy Mandell!" "Mandell," Mike snarled back at the smirking face.

"Surprised?"

"No, not really."

"Hey, Billy," came a familiar voice, muffled and distorted by the bad connection. "Do you have any Pop-tarts around here?" (AN: LMAO Sarah) "Sorry, Anthony," Billy Mandell replied, smirking harder at Mike.

Mike was having trouble breathing.

"Anthony Branden?" Eric said doubtfully. "I thought he was on our side."

"There are no _sides, _dude," Mike snapped back, before realizing that it was probably a lie.

"That's right, Yorkie," Billy replied. "Anthony is on _my _side. Don't you wish you had someone this genius as your friend? Then maybe _you _could hack _my _wireless network and freak _me _out and ruin _my _attempts to Internet stalk a hot chick?"

"Wow, this is like the part of an action movie where the villain reveals all of his evil plans right before the hero swoops in and saves the damsel in distress tied to a chair," Jacob commented.

_Yeah_, Mike thought._ The only difference is that I _don't _have a hero. No wait, that would make me gay if I had a hero, right? Never mind_.

"Are you going to give me control of my computer back?" Mike finally decided on saying after a few moments of deliberation, keeping his voice bored. "We were kind of in the middle of something."

Billy pretended to consider. "Hmm. Maybe. If you do something for me."

"Like what?"

"Like get a date with Bella for me."

Mike gaped at his smug face. "What the hell? Are you kidding me? I'm not _that_ desperate. We do have other working computers in this house."

Anthony's face suddenly crowded the screen. "Are you sure, Newton?" he snickered.

"Mikey, honey?" his mother called from the second floor, right on cue. "Is the Internet down?"

"Shoot," Mike groaned.

"I'm outta here," Nate said loudly, shoving his cell phone into his pocket and swaggering out the door. "Nice _club_, Newton." As the door swung shut, he muttered, "More like kindergarten student council."

Jacob, Quil, and Embry followed suit, Quil calling out, "Later, homies!".

Tyler and Eric were left staring at the screen, apparently baffled. Mike shot them a glare that said _don't' you dare leave and abandon me like these idiots I will screw your social lives._

"Er, sorry, Mike," Eric stuttered nervously. "I, um, have to, uh, feed my goldfish. You know, uh, Ernie."

"I thought Ernie di-" Tyler started, then paused. "Oh yeah! Your goldfish. I'll, er, come with you."

"Why, thank you friend!" Eric said with fake excitement. "Feeding fish is very strenuous." The two boy stole one half fearful, half LMAO glance at Mike, then left.

"Looks like we crashed your little Internet stalking party, Newton ol' pal," Billy said innocently, high-fiving Anthony. "Have a nice life, sucker." The computer screen flashed black, then returned to its usual palm tree desktop.

Mike stared at the empty garage for a minute. Or maybe an hour. Then he brought the computer back to the podium, plugged it in for charging, picked up the mirror lying on the ground, and bashed it into his head until he knocked himself out.

AN: Poor Mike =P

Sorry for not updating for a while


	13. Yet Another Evil Plan

AN: Sorry for not updating for a while again! Have been really busy with the end of the school year, piano recitals, reading Romeo and Juliet.

Happy birthday to my awesome friend Sarah! Belated birthday present in this chapter =) I hope you like your locker. I'll miss you ='(

Enjoy the chapter! Reviews give me power and speed *hint hint* =)

Mike sat sullenly at his Biology table alone. He watched as Billy, followed by Tyler, Eric, and Anthony, swaggered past his desk. The betrayers carefully kept their eyes down-with the exception of Anthony, who looked up and very obviously smirked at Mike. _Damn you_.

A sudden flash of silver caught his eye. Billy was wearing something on his shirt, a button. The safety pin clipping it on was the light that caught his attention.

The button read JOIN THE ISABELLA SWAN FAN ASSOCIATION_._

Mike thought he was going to pass out. He was pretty sure his heart had stopped beating for a few seconds at least.

"What. The. Hell?" he muttered quietly.

Tyler, Eric, and Anthony were wearing matching buttons.

His eyes darted across the room. Nate, lounging in his chair chewing gum, was wearing a pin too.

The three boys sat on Billy's lab desk and talked, laughing a little too loud on purpose. Mike watched with sickening dread as another junior he recognized as Jake Hoffer, wearing another one of those _freaking _pins, joined them with a pretty Asian girl's arm slung around his waist.

They were leaning in, whispering and occasionally sneaking glances at him like gossiping girly girls.

"I have to get my club back," Mike muttered. "Club. Not association." He snorted. "More like Isabella Swan Fan _Asses_." "Asses, huh?" an amused female voice chimed from behind him.

He whirled around. Hoffer's girlfriend was staring at him with her hands on her hips, smiling slightly.

"Oh-uh . . . I don't mean like, your boyfriend is an ass. I mean, like-like, like . . . " Mike stuttered, scrambling for a proper excuse for calling a hot girl's boyfriend an ass.

She rolled her big brown eyes. "Don't worry about it. I know he's an ass."

"Ahh. Um. Okay." Mike cursed himself internally.

"I heard you say you want your club back." She smirked, flashing dazzlingly white teeth. "You must _really _love that Bella Swan. I hear she's from Arizona. Isn't she hanging out with Edward Cullen or something?" "You know about that whole thing?" Mike scowled. Did the whole school know?

"Yeah. Anthony knew, he told Billy, Billy told Jake, Jake told me."

"Branden," Mike growled under his breath. "So can you help me?"

She quirked an eyebrow. "I should think so."

"What's your name?" Mike couldn't help asking.

"Sarah." She casually slid the chopstick thing out of her hair and let her glossy black hair cascade down her back. Mike ogled.

"So, _how_ are you going to help me?" he asked, trying to focus on the desk top to avoid staring. "I need my guys back together. Otherwise I'm going to graduate a friendless wannabe." He resisted the urge to slap a hand over his mouth. What was he saying?

She sighed. "I kinda know how you feel. I got abandoned by my friends when they started their own psycho religion and moved to Greenland. Jake, as much of an idiot that he is, was my way in, you know." Sarah bit her lip and twirled a chunk of hair around her finger.

"That must have sucked," Mike said, trying to coat his words with sympathy. Sarah was hot, and she wasn't some fake blonde bimbo. If he made it through junior year with his ego intact, she had possibilities. "So, how are you going to help me?" he said for the third time. The edgy stares he was getting from Billy's little girly posse were seriously starting to piss him off.

Sarah snorted. "Hold your horses, Newton. I've got a deal for you."

"Let's hear it," Mike said impulsively. _Damn. That was stupid_. The last time a girl made a "deal" with him, it involved a . . . shopping spree. And his mom's credit card . . . Mike shuddered from the horrifying memory.

"I'll help you get your club back together, if . . . You'll go out with my friend Alana."

"_What?!_"

She held up her hands. "She's been obsessing over you for the past year and it's driving me insane. She's not a friend so much as company, but . . . "

Mike sighed. It was kind of flattering, actually. "Fine."

Sarah pasted a phony smile on her face. "Great. You're not going to regret this."

"Am I?" Mike mumbled.

"So like, I was thinking that, like, um, we could, you know, go to the Chinese place down the street! Cuz, like, I love love Chinese food! Especially _chao mian._" Alana hopped up and down in place, causing Mike to wince at the sight of her bouncing boobs, and pronounced the foreign words with an accent so bad even Mike knew it was bad, and he took Italian.

"Sure, okay," he answered, wishing he was alone on this street so he could smash his head into the brick building wall until he collapsed without looking like an idiot.

"So, um, after dinner, do you want to, like, come over to my house and meet my pet dragon?" Alana asked excitedly, tossing her dyed blonde her over her shoulder.

Mike stared. "_What?"_

"I asked if you wanted to meet my pet dragon."

His phone vibrated in his pocket.

He grabbed it and slid it open, holding it to his ear. Alana was still babbling. "His name is Fluffy isn't that just the cutest name you ever heard and he's really excited to meet you and you can feed him his dragon food! I tried it once and it tastes like dog food but sweeter kind of! And oh my god I can't believe I'm on a date with you! I loveeee you! I have like a shrine in my room dedicated to you with pictures and your favorite songs playing 24/7 and stuff! But don't think I'm, like, a stalker or anything! I just follow you around to find out stuff about you, that's all!"

"Hello?" Mike said a little more sharply than necessary into the phone.

"It's Sarah," replied a bemused voice. "How's your date going?"

Mike rolled his eyes. "Just _swell._" He lowered his voice. "Get me out of here!"

"What am I supposed to do, use my telepathic mind powers to control her mind?"

Mike groaned. "Never mind. But I promise you, I'm never doing this again."

"Fine. So what do you want?"

"I took your stupid friend on a date. How are you going to help me?" Mike knew he sounded surly, but he couldn't help it-Alana was _still_ yammering on and on and on. "And once I took Fluffy to the zoo and he peed on someone's car! And I don't know why but that person got really pissed off and started, like, cursing at us in another language! What a freak, like who cares about a little dragon poo on your windshield? You know? Right?"

Sarah exhaled loudly over the phone. "Okay. Here's the plan . . . "

AN: LOL I'm evil! Cliffhanger! You'll just have to keep reading . . .

*plays creepy hypnotic music* You will leave reviews . . . You will leave reviews . . .


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